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By associatesforl1144, Apr 8 2016 01:27PM

When you look through old pictures, library cards, sports uniforms, instruments and other items that a loved one owned, it can be therapeutic to happily reminisce. This is because you think of the good times you had and feel gratitude for the memories.

Get together with other family members or friends of your loved one because it will feel good for everyone to remember the good times that were had. When a memory of the person is triggered, you can allow yourself to be grateful for the experience. There are many ways that a memory can be triggered. It can happen when you go to a place you used to go with the person, such as a restaurant or a vacation destination. Let yourself feel happiness for the times you had with your loved one instead of thinking how bad it is that they are no longer with you.

When you do feel mournful, accept the feeling. Even if you apply the first three techniques, there are probably going to be times when you feel sad, angry, or think about what might have saved the person. Don't fight these feelings or judge yourself as selfish. Ironically, accepting how you feel often makes the sad feelings less intense.

People who have experienced loss sometimes often believe that they have to stay sad all of the time. It is ok to give yourself permission to be happy when you feel happy without feeling guilty because you are having fun after you recently lost someone.

Many people stay sad over a loss for years for basically two reasons. One is that they feel they need to stay sad to prove that they cared about the person who died. You can mourn for a short period of time and still care about your loved one who is no longer with you. A second reason people stay sad is because they think it is the only way to still feel connected to their deceased loved one. However, you can still feel connected by remembering the good times you had with them. Your memories will always stay with you.

It is not necessary to judge anyone who does not act mournful at the funeral. People mourn and say goodbye to others in different ways. In India's culture they mourn by lighting a candle and peacefully reflect on the life. It's great that many funerals today display pictures of the person's life. Consequentially, they make the funeral a celebration of life instead of a sad time.

If you had a strained relationship with the person, don't judge yourself for not feeling sad when they pass. Your feelings are not good or bad, they are just feelings. When most of your memories with the person are not pleasant ones, it is not necessary to feel sad or mourn.

Many people say that when they lost a loved one there were things they left unsaid, such as they never told their parent they loved them. Many of the things people wish they had said were understood, particularly in close family relationships. If you took care of a sick parent or grandparent and they died they understand that you loved them. Sometimes young adults get impatient with a non ambulatory person they are taking care of. The person will understand if most of your interactions were positive.

There are many ways to use your memories to help yourself through the loss of a loved one. You can enjoy thinking about the happy memories, and you do not have to stay angry, sad, or have regrets. Going through memorabilia is healthy and a great activity for the whole family to do.

By associatesforl1144, Feb 23 2016 05:43PM

Remarriage has been on the rise and why not? Everybody seems to be doing it and individuals are now living longer. You might ask yourself will this time work?

Are you considering marriage again? It’s very popular these days. Although it is easier to get a divorce than ever before and maybe you are thinking that perhaps this time, it will work!!!

Sometimes not enough thought is given to this decision and this may cause tremendous confusion for the children, very supportive parents, grandparents and other important persons in your life. Thinking forward, what about the step-children? It's very important that visitation and living status be defined early in your plans. Continued employment with your company may require long distance travel or even relocation to a new area. These are just some of the issues that need to be thought through carefully and addressed before you actually take the plunge.

Yes, you are in love. It feels wonderful, freeing again, totally alive and smiling! However, it might also be the right time to think about clarifying and defining the new rules and expectations so that the support you will need will actually be there for you.

Thinking through the idea of re-marriage this time is vastly different from the first marriage! Other issues to consider is the possibility of multiple parents and spouses or a large extended family system of all whom want to be involved. Learning to set limits and boundaries is crucial to the success in navigating the family.

When you decide and imagine that this marriage will be the most wonderful, it’s imperative that you also discuss with your new partner obligations of finance, parenting issues, expectations and communication as significant issues can arise that may cause distress to all parties involved.

Before, you take the plunge, give it considerable thought as this time you might have much more at stake and sometimes what we imagine for ourselves, children and partners can become clouded when we are on the love cloud!

By associatesforl1144, Feb 23 2016 05:35PM

Have you ever wondered if you have High or Low Self-Esteem? Self-Esteem is the measure of how we see ourselves, our role in the world and the actions we take to bolster or diminish our Self-Esteem. People with High Self-Esteem are positive, loving, friendly, goal achieving and have healthy relationships with others; while people with Low Self-Esteem act in ways that consistently erode their self confidence. Some of the actions people with Low Self-Esteems take are listed below:

1. Saying “Yes” when you mean to say “No”.

2. Putting other people first to the exclusion of your own needs.

3. Saying “Sorry” frequently, even when you are not at fault.

4. Being scared to take the limelight or express your innermost feelings.

If you have any of these signs, make sure to talk them over with a therapist. Targeting your Low Self-Esteem issues in counseling can bring you greater confidence and success and, ultimately, a happier you.


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Associates for Life Enhancement, Inc. is a group of professionals in private practice who provide counseling services with offices located in Atlantic and Burlington Counties. We hope to use this blog as a way to provide you with information on different topics that may be of interest. Please feel free to subscribe to our webfeed that will update you when new articles have been posted!